After a chaotic sleep and a chaotic morning, everyone was on the road again, piled into various cars. You were with Toni, Mali and Lovi this time around, and you made sure they didn’t stop for naps by bickering with Lovi the whole way there.
“Will you shut up?!” Mali complained from the front seat.
You and Lovi temporarily stopped jabbing each other literally and figuratively, exchanging a look.
It continued for the next hour, with Toni and Mali singing in Spanish along with the radio to try and drown out the increasingly loud, friendly cursing that was taking place behind them.
“We’re gonna be last,” You mumbled to Lovi after you took a break.
“No shit,” He grumbled. “Toni’s so slow, a stupid turtle could get to Potato-land from Italy faster than he does.”
“Yeah, Mali’s always late for everything to,” You replied with a huff. Apparently it took longer than you thought to get there, because by the end of the ride, you and Lovi had dozed off and were leaning against each other, in a way that made Mali and Toni take pictures of you, Toni whispering “Que lindo!” and Mali probably ready to blackmail you like a good friend.
When you woke up, everyone else was staring at you from all angles of the car, putting on their best creepy faces. “Shit!” You sat bolt upright and poked Lovi. “Lovi! Lovi! Lovino!”
He stirred. “What the fuck-“ He noticed the fishbowl. “Che palle!” He swore. “Why didn’t anyone wake us up, dammit?!”
“Idiots.” You muttered, opening the door right into Allistor (on purpose, of course).
“Oi, watch it!” He yelped, jumping back.
“Nein,” You grinned. “So, um…what are we doing, anyway?”
“Well, we were standing around watching you and my cute grandson!” Regulus replied, chipper as usual.
“I’m not cute, dammit,” Lovi grumbled.
“Si, you are!” Toni hugged him, causing him to turn bright red. “Aw, Lovi, you’re so red, just like a-“
“Little tomato,” Everyone else chorused.
Lovi glared at everyone. “Traitors.”
“So, how’s this going to work?” Drew piped up. “We all just gonna split off and go into groups and meet back here later?”
“Drew, everyone’s gonna be dead drunk, there’s no way we’re going to meet back up.” You rolled your eyes. “I say anyone who’s sober should go find everyone.”
Now it was everyone else’s turn to stare at you. “Sober? During Oktoberfest?” Ludwig snorted. “I doubt even you could pull that off, ______.”
“Okay, so let’s all drink, and pass out and we’ll meet up in the morning,” You corrected dryly.
“Sounds like a plan!” Elva grinned, hooking one arm through Alaric’s.
“We’ll a-be seeing you later!” Regulus winked and hooked his arm through Alaric’s other arm, and the two of them dragged him off.
The teenagers stood around awkwardly for a minute.
“Vell, ve should all stay as a group-“ Ludwig started, and then Piper tore off.
“Piper!” You yelled, taking off after her. “Where are you going?!”
“My Alfred senses are tingling!” She yelled back.
You groaned and kept running after her, not at all surprised to find moments later that Arthur, Amalia, Ludwig, Dakota, Gwen, and Gilbert were all on your heels.
Finally, she stopped, and as did all of you, tripping and falling, landing on top of each other comically in a huge dogpile.
“Aw, dudes! Why are you on the ground?” You looked up to see Alfred, one arm slung around Piper’s shoulders, grinning down at you.
“It’s human Jenga!” Piper remarked, grinning.
“Shut up, Piper!” Mali squirmed somewhere above you. Of course, you were at the bottom.
“Who can get off?” You called out. “I’m kind of suffocating here, no big deal.”
“Ha ha ha!” Alfred’s oh-so-familiar obnoxious laugh rang out. “Dude, I’ll help. I mean, what are bros for, anyway?” He grabbed your arms and tugged you out rather painfully.
“Ugh…thanks, Al,” You rubbed your arms and stood up, going to help everyone.
“Dude! You have to admit that I’m the hero first!” Alfred protested. “You never say I’m the hero!”
You stuck your tongue out at him. “Fine, Mister Hero, whatever you say, now you two bums help me out!”
Soon, everyone was disentangled, and looking around for the other half of the group.
“Vell, ve lost everyvon,” Gilbert decided, pointing out the obvious.
“Ja, so ve’re missing Felicianno, Lovino, Antonio-“
“Spaghetti-o,” You mumbled.
Ludwig glared at you before continuing, “Elizaveta, Mathias, five Kirklands, und…I think that’s it.”
“Yeah,” Mali agreed, grabbing his hand and watching him turn red with surprise.
“Okay, so let’s go get drunk!” Gilbert grinned, grabbing Gwen’s hand and dragging her off towards one of the many stands of beer. Everyone followed, and chaos ensued.
In mere hours later, you had discovered you had a high alcohol tolerance, and your system was refusing to get drunk, so you watched everyone, a little loopy, but amused nonetheless.
Ludwig kept bellowing for Mali, demanding hugs and kisses, to the point where you and Al had to drag him away and tie him up.
Yes, Al was semi-sober with you because, as he insisted, “The hero isn’t an alcoholic! Gimme some soda anytime!” So he had rather a lot of Coke and rum, but he was easiest to manipulate right now.
Everyone else was a completely different story.
Piper was laughing loudly and hysterically at Arthur, pointing at him and collapsing into giggles, trying to hide, but looking up again and squealing again. She had tried to streak several times, but Al caught her and was now unable to move, sitting in a chair restraining her, since she slipped out of her bonds way too many times.
Poor Al had to deal with so much temptation, with Piper kissing the life out of him, and you smirked at his upset expression. At least he had the sense to know he would be taking advantage of her if he did anything.
Mali was crying, crying that her shirt was too colorful, that the wood had too many lines in it, and that her mug was too brown. She had started coming up to you and hugging you, asking why the world was so unfair, and you pushed her towards Ludwig, and so she was now clinging to him and sobbing again.
Dakota was talking to the wall, crooning and petting it like she was on some hallucinogenic drug, and when you asked her about it, she looked at her hands, horrified, and started wiping them on you before running off. You caught her again and dragged her back, where she promptly sat down and started calling Heracles and singing in Italian for him.
Gilbert was drunk, but he seemingly could handle his liquor. At least, better than Gwen, who was currently in the bathroom throwing up. Gilbert kept wandering around, asking everyone if they had seen Gwen anywhere, and whenever he came up to you, you told him she was in the bathroom, and he tried to go in, getting chased out by angry, squawking women each time. Now he was complaining to Ludwig as well, yelling into his brother’s sleeve.
Now, Arthur, on the other hand, was clinging to you, crying hysterically because Piper wouldn’t stop pointing and laughing at him, that his eyebrows were too thick, and that he was convinced you were going to break up with him if you saw him drunk. You sat and patted his head awkwardly while he cried with his face in your lap.
You heard music starting outside, so you tried to get up, but Arthur dragged you back down, crying for you not to leave him.
Apparently the alcohol was starting to affect you after all, so you started cursing him out and yelling “All I want is to fucking dance, so you’re fucking coming with me!”
You grabbed his hand. “Come on everyone! Let’s go dancing!” You bellowed, in a perfect imitation of Ludwig’s military-like commands.
Al untied Ludwig, and everyone went out to dance, which you knew was an Oompha. That was just about the only thing you remembered, since it cracked you up. You separated from everyone else and found a traditional costume, which you wore enthusiastically, despite it being a dress and that you normally despised dresses.
You went back over to the group, excited to see that everyone else had found clothes as well, and you giggled hysterically at Arthur in traditional German clothes, and you all formed your own little dance circle and danced the night away, eventually breaking off to go make out with Arthur.
It was much more passionate than you were used to, with him taking the lead for once and acting all seme, but at the same time crying that you were going to leave him. At some point, exhausted, you both staggered back to the group, collapsing in your empty spot in the circle, staying awake while Arthur fell asleep almost immediately.
Meanwhile, you kept an eye on everyone else, watching them act all couple-y again. Dakota, of course, was crying for Heracles until she crawled over to you, crying about the Warriors character Crowfeather being Heracles in disguise.
Alfred, despite his promise that the hero wouldn’t get drunk, got drunk anyway, and was now snogging Piper feverishly, causing you to look away.
Ludwig was hugging Mali to death and kissing her nonstop, causing her to squirm every few minutes from lack of breath before he let her go.
Gilbert, oddly enough, was sitting there stroking Gwen’s head rather sweetly while she was curled up against him, hiccupping.
Your Oktoberfest had gone beautifully, you thought, minus the slight hangover you had the next morning.
You and Al were the first ones to wake up, having the least to drink, and you started to haul people to the various cars. Not surprised, you found Toni already asleep in his car with Lovi curled up adorably in his lap. You and Al exchanged a grin and took pictures after you put Mali in the back seat.
You came back, and Ludwig was waking up as well, rubbing his head with a groan. “Did anything happen?” He groaned.
You and Al exchanged a grin. “Yup, and we documented everything!” Al exclaimed, puffing out his chest.
“Dude, seriously, I can’t wait to blackmail everyone with it!” You gave Al a high-five. “Oh, sweet sobriety!”
Ludwig’s horrified expression was priceless. This was about the time he noticed that everyone was gone except him and Arthur. “Ah…vere is everyvon?”
“Oh, we put them back in their cars,” Al explained. “You and Artie are last.”
“Vell, I’ll drive back zen…did everyvon else get back?” He asked.
“Uh, well we have yet to find your vati, my adopted mumsy, and Regulus,” You said uncertainly.
“Hey, _______! Over heeere!” You heard Elva’s (thank goodness, sober) voice call out from a little ways away.
“Oh, thank god, she recovered,” You mumbled.
“We f…d…friend! Says he knows you!”
“A friend? What the fuck?” You grumbled, looking around.
“Oh, mon cher, how I’ve missed you-!” An annoyingly familiar French accented voice crooned and grabbed you up in a hug before you could skillfully step out of the way.
“Oh mon Dieu…” You grumbled, struggling against his steel grip. “Lemme go!”
“Back off, frog!” Arthur miraculously woke up and leapt to his feet, only to fall again with a groan.
Francis let you go, grinning, and kissed you on both cheeks in greeting. “Mon ami, I never expected to see you here getting drunk!”
“You got drunk, _____?” Arthur groaned. “You didn’t do anything stupid, right?”
“You’re one to talk! You were bawling in my lap all night,” You replied a little snappily. Let’s face it, you had a killer headache and you were hug-raped by a Frenchman. You had a right to be snappy.
Arthur groaned, burying his head in his hands. “Why is the frog here?”
“Drinking, mon ami!” Francis declared, beaming. “By the way, _____, that dress looks tres bien on you.”
Arthur suddenly noticed that you were wearing a German dress, and his jaw dropped. “You…you’re…”
“Wearing a dress,” You finished dryly, “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“Well, mon amis, I have…friends…to get back to…” Francis winked. “Before I do…” He kissed you, and a second later, received a punch in the jaw from Arthur and a punch to the solar plexus from you.
“Worth it!” He wheezed, grinning, and ran off.
You twitched, just barely holding back your anger.
“Dude, you get kissed a lot!” Al commented, coming over with Regulus drooling on his arm.
“I’m just…” You dramatically flipped your hair like Francis, “Wait, no. Je suis juste fabuleux que!”
“Will you stop using French,” Arthur mumbled, leaning on you and rubbing his head.
You chuckled, but stopped and dragged him to the van